Category Archives: humorous

Watering the Grass


I had not planned on posting anything today, but something happened this morning I think is quite funny.  I decided to share it with you.

Jackson is now 18 months old, and he has been interested in the bathroom and the toilet for several months now.  Since I like to be informed, I decided it was time for me to read up on potty training.  I purchased a book the other day at Half Price Books that is supposed to explain everything you need to know about potty training.  As a matter of fact, the book is titled, The Everything Potty Training Book by Linda Sonna, Ph.D.  “Everything” seemed like a good place to start learning, so last night, before going to bed, I began to read potty success stories.  Even the failures turned out nicely in the long run.  

After reading the first couple of chapters, I understood several things I needed to do.  First, since Jackson’s always worn diapers, I have to teach him where his waste comes from and about wet and dry.  The book explained a good way to do both of these things is to take the child outside without a diaper and let them “water the grass.”  As it was only 80 degrees at that point in the morning, I decided today was a great day for Jackson to start learning.  So I took his diaper off and we went to the backyard.  

At first, everything was just fine.  Jackson was playing in his sandbox and having a good time.  I was relaxing in a chair on the porch with a new book in hand waiting for the opportune time for a teaching moment.  Potty training couldn’t be going better.  Pretty soon Jackson left the sandbox and was wandering around towards the porch.  He walked around for a little while and then stopped by his toy boat.  That’s when I saw my chance!   I set my book down and waited.  I knew he was about to do his business, and sure enough pretty soon he was watering the porch.  That wasn’t quite what I had hoped for, but I wasn’t too upset by it.  The next thing is what caught me off guard.  He wasn’t just watering the porch he was fertilizing it too!  

I decided to go with the flow and tried to explain and show him what he was doing like the book said.  He didn’t seem too interested in what I was saying, so he walked away to a different area of the porch.  Cleaning off the porch was simple, I just wrapped it up in a big leaf and went to bury it.  The next thing I know Jackson was at it again.  I was thinking, “This is a little messier than I anticipated, but at least he’s really getting several learning opportunities.”  However, this time was different from the first time.  As he walked away, he began to trip.  What happened next is kind of a blur.  The outcome was poo smeared into the concrete and all over Jackson.  I soon gasped in horror as a little hand went towards a little mouth.  Fortunately I was quick enough to keep it out, but just barely.  I quickly washed Jackson off with the water hose and sent him back to play in the sand as I washed and scrubbed the porch.  While spraying the water towards the mess (the hose is only about 3 feet long) I also managed to spray my chair and my new book.  

As soon as I had the porch cleaned up and my book wiped off, I took Jackson inside for a bath and began to blow dry my book and think about what had just happened.  The amount of blow drying I had to do allowed for a pretty good think.  I decided several things.  First, it’s not always as easy as the “true” stories in the books.  Second, I should wait to start patting myself on the back until after something happens.  Third, I’m not an expert after reading a couple chapters in a cheap resale book.  Finally, the most important thing I learned from this is experience is: if a book tells you it has everything you need to know about something, unless it’s the Bible, it’s lying!  

Have a happy day!